Petty engineering design rant 1 - juice carton spouts

Right, let’s design a spout for a carton of juice. So, what would be some good criteria for a well-functioning spout? Here’s a few suggestions:

1. easy to open.
2. re-sealable, keeping the liquid inside the box.
3. has an opening that allows juice to flow freely while pouring.
4. lets air back into the box so that the pouring liquid doesn’t sputter all over the place.
5. lets you get all the liquid out of the box without retaining the last 10% of the contents.
6. allows you to open without dirt getting into the box.

And somewhere down the line you might have “cheapness” and “ease of manufacture” as criteria.

So, Messrs Tetrapak/Somerfield/Tesco/Asda/Waitrose/Sainsbury/Morrisons/etc, how on earth did you come to the conclusion that this abysmal monstrosity would be a good design:












Eh? Eh?!

It’s difficult to open, doesn’t keep the liquid in, only allows a dribble to come out, splashes unpredictably as the air tries to get back in, keeps the last little bit of juice as some kind of hostage (presumably for some mysterious dark scheme of its own), and to open it you have to poke the dirty (and shaped-so-you-can’t-possibly-clean-it) bit into the box! (Take a breath.) Fail, fail, and fail again. Opening the box the old-fashioned way with a pair of scissors is better on at least 4 of those criteria...

And I bet it isn’t any cheaper or easier to manufacture than any of the other liquid-container-openings out there. Bring on the pair of scissors.

Rant over :o)
J

AHMTS Song by Song 13/14 - You Come Running/Good Night

listen here and here

You Come Running is basically a reprise of The Turning Song - the few times Tim and I played it live it was performed as one 8-minute piece (old live version here), and was in fact recorded as one long song. This arrangement of Amazing Grace is what Tim soloed around after Farther Up and Farther In on Puzzle. I love weird chords. You should have worked that out by now. Thanks to Lorna for singing this one so beautifully (I was getting tired of my own voice!), and to Peter Moles for lending Tim his soprano sax for the recording.

Good Night is a little piece I’ve had lying around for a while now, but never knew what to do with. It seems a nice fit here for a gentle close-out to the album.

Odd things we sing 1 - Hark the Herald

Okay, so maybe you keep track of the meaning of what you say already, but I find it easy to get sucked into a song (particularly if I know the tune and words well) without really thinking, or indeed understanding, what it really means. Occasionally, I happily sing along with something and I’m like “What the heck did I just sing?! Would I have ever said that phrase in real life if it didn’t have a tune to go with it?” So here’s an attempt to pull apart some of the things we sing without thinking about it, and put some of those words into plain English.

First up, that Christmas classic, Hark the Herald Angels Sing. I like this song. I love belting it out with hundreds of people at Christmas time. But lyrically, it’s incredibly dense, and because it’s so old (Charles Wesley, 1739) has some turns of phrase which might not be readily deciphered at the speed at which we sing it...

(normal words here for comparison)

Listen! Messengers from Heaven are bringing amazing news:
A king has been born - one who deserves praise and honour!
He will reign on Earth with peace and mercy,
And provides the way by which God (set apart, perfect, will not tolerate the presence of sin, holy) and humans like me (broken and sinful, however hard we try) can be reunited.
All nations and people can share this joy, not just the Jews - we are now included in his chosen people!
Come and join in this triumphant celebration;
Sing along with the angels: “The Saviour of all mankind has been born as a human baby, and in a run-down slum in some dead-end town.”

This saviour is not some lowly messenger from the lowest ranks of the angels,
But is the ever-lasting God himself, loved by the whole of Heaven, and is himself above all things.
He comes into the world when it had just about given up all hope (there had been silence from God for 400 years before this),
And he comes in the unlikeliest of guises: a baby born to an unexceptional teenager - though in this case extraordinary - a pregnant virgin.
Come and see the full enormity of God: Father, Song and Holy Spirit, invading our world in a small bundle of weak and needy human flesh - Deity crammed into the earthly.
He comes to live with humans as a human himself. And he does so not grudgingly, but with pleasure - it was his choice all along.
Jesus is the light of the world.

Give honour to the Prince of Peace, who has come to us from Heaven.
Give praise to the one who is holy and perfect, who is the source of all light and life,
And who alone has the power and authority to heal our sinfulness and suffering.
Although he is all-powerful, he willingly lays down his power for a while, and gives up all his rights.
He is born so that people like you and me are no longer trapped by sin and death, but we have life again, and even after we die, will one day be raised to new life with him in Heaven.
Listen to the angels singing: “may the King of Earth and Heaven be given all the glory which is due to him!”

Christmas is pretty big, isn’t it?

Quality over Quantity, and the Christening of the Loop Frog

I had a gig last night. It was one of those ones that I wasn’t really looking forward to - uncertainty as to whether the night was actually on, coupled with the fact that they’d put me on at 10pm on a dark wet tuesday evening, meant I wasn’t really expecting much of a turn-out!

And there wasn’t. But, bizarrely, that didn’t matter - I had a great time with the minute but enthusiastic audience - made up of the sound guy, the barman, a few members of my family, and a few members of the previous band’s entourage (Man and Superman - good old-fashioned fuzzy noisy rock - showing the Ark’s expertise at matching and sequencing similar acts - not. Nothing like a bit of contrast...) - who whooped, danced along happily to odd time signatures, bantered away with me between songs, and generally had a great time. They even demanded photos with me afterwards.

In particular, one exchange which went like this:

“Wooooah, how do you DO that?!”
“Well, I’ve got this little pedal down here...”
“I think there’s a frog stuck in the keyboard!”
“Yeah, Loop Frog!”

So, in honour of Man and Superman’s groupies, who made an empty gig worthwhile: Pedal, I dub thee “Loop Frog”.



Setlist:
Part Trust
Insult Like the Truth (Charlie Peacock)
Economology
Icarus >
A/D Loop Jam
Lazarus
Since 3 Days Ago
Starmaker
Puzzle
Doubting Thomas (Nickel Creek)

AHMTS Song by Song 12 - Lilies & Sparrows

listen here

Putting your trust in something or someone is often easier said than done, especially when the person in question is somewhat intangible. This song comes from a beautiful section of something Jesus said to the crowds of people following him, recorded in Matthew 6:25-34. (Part of a larger block of things he said, widely referred to as the Sermon on the Mount - see Matthew 5-7).

 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I think one of the hardest aspects of our human condition is the surrendering of our own plans - after all, who doesn't like to be in control?!

Fiona plays some beautiful saxophone in the background of this one - I love those bends in the last chorus!