Petty engineering design rant 4 - printer cartridges

Right printer, my letter is entirely in black, no colour whatsoever. Why oh why, then, do you refuse to do anything at all unless you have ink in both your black and colour cartridges? Likewise, why do you need me to buy a black cartridge to print a document entirely composed of blue text? Or indeed red text? Is there any actual truthful reason you need both, or is this really the cheap money-making scam it appears to be?












This is a petty annoyance with a more serious point behind it. I’ve had the joy (ahem) of working for a few places with fairly beefy printers connected to networks serving say a couple of dozen people, and so were under fairly constant use. I shall keep the manufacturer’s name under my hat for now - suffice to say they’re a big brand, reputable company which you will all have heard of - but I suspect the following practice is probably fairly widespread.

After a few weeks use, the little status display screen on the top would switch to something along the lines of “fuser unit 2317 pages remaining - order replacement part”. 2317 pages remaining until what? Is it going to self-destruct? Explode in a cloud of magenta toner dust? It’s obviously an artificial countdown, as to predict the failure of a component that precisely would require some seriously complicated monitoring equipment which would obviously be far too expensive to include in your average office printer.

What actually happens when the countdown reaches zero is... nothing. The printer just sits there blinking “replace fuser unit”, and refuses to do anything else until you comply. After the prerequisite bureaucracy and stressed budget balancing, some 3rd party printer servicing bloke appears to replace the part, has a look at the old one, and reckons it’s still got at least a couple of hundred thousand more pages worth of use left in it. You can’t reset the counter manually, and the printer recognises if you try and put the old one back in.

So does that imply that the printer company have actually gone to the trouble of putting counters in individual components, just so that they can extort another £250 (or whatever price it is) out of you for a replacement for a part that didn’t actually need replacing? Not only have they thought “we can make some money out of spare parts”, but they’ve sunk to the base level of designing in bogus lifetime counters so that the end user will think “I’ve spent 3 grand on a nice colour laser printer - I can’t afford to not buy these spare bits to get it up and running again”, and effectively holding departments hostage until the ransom gets paid. Outrageous behaviour! I can’t understand how reputable companies are allowed to get away with such a blatant scam! And what an utter pointless waste of resources. Yes, regular maintenance is good, but don’t use that as cover for your greed.

As a final peeve, I’d like to wonder out loud about all that used office equipment that gets shipped off under “re-use” schemes to developing countries after businesses upgrade their kit. Are these final end users, relying on donations of useful second-hand-but-serviceable equipment going to be able to afford a new unnecessary replacement for a part that doesn’t need replacing? Are they going to be impressed when their shiny new printer manages a measly couple of thousand pages and then sits there blinking? No. Shame on you.

Petty engineering design rant 3 - toothpaste tube lids

Okay, a short one this time: those flip-top toothpaste tube tops which tempt the brusher into supposed easy access to the minty-fresh delights within, but which actually just result in a trailing tail of said paste being smeared elegantly over the tube, your hand, and everything else in the vicinity. Who thought that was a good idea? Same goes for flip-tops on squeezy bottles of honey or ketchup - although with those you at least have a reasonable chance of being able to wipe them clean - on the toothpaste tube, the paste gets stuck forever in the handy little grooves they put on the lid to help you grip the top while unscrewing it. Like you should.












Screw top, or flip-top if you absolutely must, but not both. Thank you.

Woah!

Just happened to have a look on our Internet Archive page (which hosts a few live DLDown shows you can download for free), and apparently one of the shows there has now had over 4800 downloads - crazy! Thanks people :o)

Live Downloads page is here.

Odd things we sing 5 - What the Lord Has Done In Me (Hosanna)

I thought there was something slightly odd about this one when we sung it a few weeks ago and, having sung it again last week, I think I’ve worked out what it is.

Let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich"
Let the blind say, "I can see"
It's what the Lord has done in me

Hosanna, hosanna
To the Lamb that was slain
Hosanna, hosanna
Jesus died and rose again

Yep, fine, brilliant. (“Hosanna” - a Hebrew expression meaning "Save!" which became an exclamation of praise back in ye olde bible times. The people shouted it as Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the donkey.)

Into the river I will wade
There my sins are washed away
From the heavens* mercy streams
Of the Saviour's love for me

After a little bit of searching through biblegateway, I’m guessing (feel free to enlighten me) that we’re talking about the River of Life mentioned in Rev 22, and/or the River from the Temple in Ezekiel 47, and/or the image of baptism. Again, no problem with that, as long as we all know what we’re talking about.

(*momentary side rant: please get your punctuation right! In this particular context neither heaven’s nor heavens’ makes any sense. Okay, I’m a pedant. Why do we tend to write song words with inadequate punctuation? It can make all the difference between perfect sense and abject confusion.)

I will rise from waters deep
Into the saving arms of God
I will sing salvation songs
Jesus Christ has set me free

Okay, fine with that image too (although, if we’re being pedantic, as is my wont, perhaps we might prefer an image involving God reaching down into said waters deep with his saving arms and lifting me out, rather than me somehow learning to levitate. I digress.) - at least in isolation.

I think what I’m getting at is the mixing of the water images:
v2: river of life - providing purity, life, health, etc - definitely a good thing.
v3: waters deep - symbolic of something negative/dangerous/threatening that we need saving from - or at least that’s how I read it - am I just reading it wrong?

Mixed metaphors can be confusing, but this one’s interesting because it’s almost the opposite problem: applying one metaphor (water) to two opposing concepts in one song.

All this really to highlight the following: songwriting technique is so important, and never more so than when songwriting for other people to sing in corporate worship. I think everyone needs to understand the words which are coming out of their mouth before they can truly use them to worship God. That means not just packing in all the Bible images you can because they sound good. It means not drowning people in archaic imagery and christianese. (We’re so used to singing about lambs and shepherds that we forget that the average punters (including ourselves) aren’t that au fait with ancient Hebrew shepherding practices. And don’t get me started on refining processes - is there some kind of underground smelting culture in our church which I’m unaware of?!**) It means using your creative talents to construct clear and helpful images which inspire awe of God in people and worship to him. It takes hard work and practice to craft a decent set of words (I know, and I’ve only ever written songs for one person (me) to sing, which is infinitely easier than writing for a bunch of people!).

I’m not writing this series just to bash songs I don’t like. In fact, I love a lot of these, and I‘ll say again that I have the greatest respect for those gifted songwriters who can produce the wonderful songs that we sing. But because songs and songwriting are things that I care about, I tend to get bugged by things which could be done better. Keep striving for excellence people, and don’t give up!

J

**Okay, I nicked this particular observation from Nick Page’s excellent “And Now Let's Move into a Time of Nonsense”.